I feel really empowered
and absolutely angry.
Ain’t no one going to tell me that I care too much, and that I’m not enjoyable to talk to.
Blaming me for your inability to show your affection makes me want to never give a shit about you again. That is exactly what you asked for anyways.
So. SO. ready for new things. New life adventures. NEW.
Going on meds
Taking a leave of absence after wintersession.
I feel so much better.
But also nice going RISD for breaking yet another student
I cannot for the life of me focus.
and I somehow thought it’d be romantic for you to know that you happen to be a though stuck in my head.
But now I totally realize how unfair that is. To use someone like that.
It would be really wonderful if I could just focus. One thought at a time. One move at a time.
Not ten years ahead, ten thoughts at once, compulsive research, guilt and pulling.
I am so sick of my head cycling around and around with no end. And being clingy and overbearing and then thinking and recycling thoughts of how clingy and overbearing I am and going over the list of what’s left to do what I haven’t done yet whats comes after and after and after.
It is so incredibly hard for me to be present. What I would give to live in a single moment. One at a time.
I hate being a bother. I hate needing so much god damn affection because I need to be distracted and distracted from my distractions so i can focus maybe but not really.
I am so incredibly sad. and done.
How have I done this much research and I still can’t come up with a thesis/presentation?
Goals in life:
FEEL LIKE AN ADULT
Find alternatives that suit me, not my idealistic first generation immigrant life expectations
Give into my passions even more
Continue with honesty
SELF FIRST (not selfish)
Live that log cabin life, settle down asap.
know when to quit and leave.
Higher education is a bummer.
Does anyone by any chance know of any furniture apprenticeship programs?
I don’t know what the correct term would be. I am just looking into alternative education.